I Love You So Much

Twenty-four hours since returning from Haiti, I've spent this rainy, windy, hurricane day trying to process all the things I encountered in the last week. 

If you know me, then you have probably heard of a place called La Sous, Haiti and a little boy, named Pippin. 

After a year and a half absence from Haiti, the Lord allowed me to return to that beautiful little village and reunite with many loved ones that I have missed so much. 

In the weeks leading up to this trip, I was nervous about going for several different reasons. I had a lot of doubts and questions for God. "How much has changed since I was last there?" "Have I missed too much?" "Will they understand why I've been gone?" "Will Pippin still want to spend time with me? Does he think I forgot about him?" 

After a long day of Haitian travel, we arrived in La Sous well past dark; we stepped off the boat, set up our tents and went straight to sleep. Not until the next afternoon did I see Pippin. He was quiet. I hugged and told him I'd missed him. He didn't say much; I was worried. 

Later I walked through the village to his house to visit with his family. Pippin sat on the porch away from us. I chatted with his parents and told them I couldn't believe how much Pippin had grown in the past year. We laughed as I reminisced on how young he was when I first met them, how I used to carry him through the village and hold him as he fell asleep during long Haitian church services. 

"Those days are long over now," I remarked to his parents. Pippin walked over and stopped in front of me. "You're much too grown up to be carried around anymore, but one day I'll be a little old lady and you'll have to help carry me around," I joked with him. Half-kidding, half-serious I then asked him, "Are you going to forget about me when I'm old?" He stared at me for a few seconds and then grabbed my hand; "No.....I love you sooo much," he responded in English to me. It's the only English phrase he knows. I began to cry as soon as he said it. After all of my worrying, it was such a sweet and heartfelt response, a reassurance. 

Today as the hurricane passed over my city, and I washed load after load of clothes from out of my suitcase, I thought about that conversation. I thought about how thankful I am that Pippin does know how much I care. That he didn't stop loving me just because I'd been gone and that he'd promised he would love me through the years to come.
 And then, once again, just as he has done before, the Lord used Pippin to remind me of an important promise. ––
God has never and will never stop loving me either. And more so than the love of any person, his love is perfect. He will never leave me or forsake me. His love for me never changed despite how young I was or how old I'll get. He's never changed his mind about loving me regardless of how long I've been gone or how lost I've been. At my lowest point, even in my doubts and my fears, God has always looked at me and promised, "I love you SO much." 

He loves YOU so much. And that will never change. Not in our doubts, our mistakes, our selfishness, our loneliness, our skepticism. Not in the deepest sins we could find ourselves will he ever stop loving us. 

"For God SO LOVED the world, that he gave his only son, that whoever believes in him (WHOEVER: the addict, the abuser, the lost, the broken hearted, the sinner) will not die but have life forever through him." John 3:16