He is Stength

"Now to him who is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think, according to the power at work within us, to Him be glory."
Ephesians 3:20-21

   I have a journal that was given to me about three years ago by my mother. She gave it to me before my first trip to La Source, Haiti. For the past few years I have taken it on every trip with me and documented, prayed and reflected in it. It has now become known as my "Haiti journal", but a few times a week I find myself writing my prayers in it. There is a verse written on the top of each day's page of the journal. I suppose the verses were picked and placed at random but somehow each day the verse applies to specifically what God has been speaking to me about. Ephesians 3:20-21 was the verse in my journal a few days ago and it has been resonating with me ever since I read it. "He is able to do far more abundantly than all that we ask or think" This is astounding to me. As I wrote in my journal this particular day it was a prayer for help. I was feeling very insufficient. Lately I had let my circumstances control my thoughts and emotions. As I was thinking about all the struggles and difficult circumstances going on in my life right now I was feeling quite sorry for myself. I sat there and told God all the reasons why "I can't do it", "I won't make it", or "God, you've chosen the wrong girl for this one." I also proceeded to give Him a list of why. God, I don't think you understand what kind of person I am. I'm too sensitive, too emotional and over dramatic. I have lots of anxiety, I'm weak and easily tempted. After laying out many of my character flaws as a list of reasons why God cannot possibly use me, He finally responds to me. God says to me "so what?". Plain and simple "so what?" I'm confused by this for a moment as I think to myself that I had just explained "so what" Then God tells me that it has nothing to do with my abilities or my weaknesses.  "So you're sensitive and over emotional? I'll change that into compassion. You tend to be over dramatic? I will turn that into passion. You have too much anxiety? Let me have it, I will give you peace. You are weak and easily tempted? I AM STRENGTH. In an instance God had evaporated my list of reasons. To say I was humbled would be an understatement. I was embarrassed. How had I just given God a list of reason why I can't do it? First of all, he already knows all my flaws, and second, He has never once told me that I was supposed to be able to do it. Throughout the entire Bible there are only stories of those who have failed on their own strength, or who those have made it with God's. The very root of my anxiety was the thought that it is all about me and how I will make it. But the gospel says the exact opposite. God repeatedly tells us that it is through Him and Him alone. And though we are weak and will fail, He can do far more than we could ever think He is capable of doing. He has power too great for us to even imagine. Wow.
    Later on in Ephesians chapter 6 there are some passages that are often called "the armor of God." I remember hearing these verses when I was a child. Sunday school teachers and vacation bible school leaders reminding us to "put on God's armor" At first thought it seems childish and silly but then as I read the verses it all becomes so real to me. This battle that we as Christians are continuously fighting. We think that we are doing it on our own but there are our instructions, right there in Ephesians 6. He even put it into a metaphor for us so it is easy to understand, and yet sometimes we still don't get it.
The belt of Truth, the breastplate of righteousness, the shoes of peace, the shield of faith, the sword of the Spirit and the helmet of salvation. Any excuse of weaknesses or fears I can bring to God is shut down by His word in Ephesian 6. I say "God I can't because..." and He says, "but I've given you the specific armor to defend against that." Thank God that He is our strength.