Get out of the boat

Matthew 14:28-33
²⁸ And Peter answered him, “Lord, if it is you, command me to come to you on the water.” ²⁹ He said,“Come.” So Peter got out of the boat and walked on the water and came to Jesus. ³⁰ But when he saw the wind,^[c] he was afraid, and beginning to sink he cried out, “Lord, save me.” ³¹ Jesus immediately reached out his hand and took hold of him, saying to him, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”³² And when they got into the boat, the wind ceased. ³³ And those in the boat worshiped him, saying,“Truly you are the Son of God.”

    Nearly three years ago I stepped onto a boat to sail to a small, remote village off the mainland of Haiti. This village is called La Source and ironically, in less than three years has become "the source" of so much of my joy and happiness. Little did I know that by stepping onto that boat I was actually "stepping out of the boat". On April 1, 2012 I arrived to La Source for the first time. Since that day I can hardly remember what life was like before encountering the village. My first trip was surreal. As I walked through the village I was stunned by the poverty and the living conditions. But what shocked me even more was the overflow of joy and the way of life despite their circumstance. What I saw as a lack, the people of the village did not even know that they lacked. They had what they had and were happy about it. It was an eye opening experience to realize that there are people so poor that they don't even realize the extent of their poverty. As many others who have been to La Source can testify, the first trip experience is all but comfortable. I was one who had never been out of the country, never flown on a plane and certainly never sailed five hours on a wooden sailboat. Spending five days sleeping in a tent, showering with a hose and swatting mosquitos in 90 degree heat seems all but ideal, but somehow, the first thing I told my mom when arriving back into the states was "I HAVE to go back." Yes, I was hooked. I was struck by the awe-inspiring love the Haitian people showed me and a four year old little boy named Pippin had managed to melt my heart in less than three days. 
    Seven months later I found myself back in La Source and this time with my mother right by my side. She had seen the excitement and passion I had for the village and with a little convincing and prayer, she decided she had to experience it for herself. Having her with me to share the love I have for the village and now an understanding of why I am so passionate about it was incredible. After leaving the village for a second time though, it was ten times harder than it had been the first time. A few months later I returned to Haiti a third time and struggled even more when leaving. The weeks after the trip I questioned God a lot. I could not understand why He had given me a love so deep for a people who live so far away. No phone calls to check in during the months between trips. No emails to soothe the pain of missing them. Not even letters back and forth. No, the only way to see or communicate with La Source is to get on a plane, ride on a bus and then a several hour boat ride to the island. This is difficult to accept. I was angry and resentful. I asked God why La Source and Pippin were brought into my life. It seemed the pain of missing them and waiting months for the next trip just wasn't worth it. But God soon showed me otherwise. Now as I prepare myself to leave La Source I remember that things God teaches me through those people far exceed any pain I endure upon leaving and the months of separation. 
   I have met people who have forever changed my life; even someone I plan on spending the rest of my life with. So as I wrestle with the "post leaving La Source struggles" I remember the reasons that I continue to return and even more I thank God for each trip He allows me to take. When I start to question God's will or ask why me, why La Source? I imagine Peter obeying Jesus' call to step out of the boat. I see myself doubting and beginning to sink just as Peter did. But then Jesus puts out His hand and I hear him say, “O you of little faith, why did you doubt?”